Synchronicity in religious life

I often get ask how I know Deity exists. I must have some sort of proof to spent so much time on Them, after all. Well, yes, I do. I'm just not sure non-religious people would find it satisfactory.

I find the Gods in the little things and one of those things is synchronicity. Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner. For me that means experiencing two separate events and trusting, in my gut, that they are connected--and then making the leap to contributing the second (or both) event(s) to Deity.

I understand this will never convince a sceptic.

The concept of synchronicity as divine or magickal is a prevalent one in Paganism. There are many, many more examples to give than the ones below but I think these give a good idea of what I'm talking about;

• "I've been thinking about honoring Athena for a while and I have started seeing owls everywhere--I think Athena would like me to worship Her."
• "I needed money so did a spell to attract it and suddenly I get a raise in salary. The spell must have worked."
• "I've been having such bad luck since I did that offering to Artemis, perhaps I did it wrong and she's mad?"

I admit that I often read into events the hand of the divine. I think this is a requirement for true faith. I don't fare blindly on these events but if I get that tingle in my stomach that sometimes goes with it, I will most certainly put stock in the experience.

When something synchronical happens, it's always a humbling experience. For me, it feels as if prayers are heard, like I'm protected and that my pious lifestyle is worth it. An example;

I was driving home from the festival I had attended. It was late, I was tired and I realized I wasn't at my sharpest. I would stay on the right side of the road and slowed down a little so I wouldn't miss anything in my exhaustion and put myself or anyone else at risk. I had said my prayers to Hermes and--because it was dark out--Hekate when I got in the car, but I felt the need to plead with Hermes again to get me home safe and without hurting anyone.

I turned down the car radio and said my prayers, explaining the situation. I promised offerings of incense when I got home and ended my prayer. When I turned the volume of the radio back up, the first notes of one of the songs for the mix-tape for Hermes I had been working on for saturday sounded and I simply knew that Hermes had heard my prayer and would keep me and everyone around me safe.

Could it have been mere coincidence? Absolutely. When I started believing, I used to doubt these coincidences, these synchronicities, all the time. The more faith I got, the less I doubted. And by now, when something like that happens, I thank the Gods, wipe away a tear and trust that what has just happened was, indeed, a divine sign. I pay my dues as soon as I am able.

Synchronicity is the main 'evidence' presented by many Pagans of their Gods and practices. It's a form of UPG which is even harder to describe than most UPG events because it says nothing about a Deity but about your interpretation of earthly events by way of Deity. Yet, I feel that these synchronicities are often what people mean when they talk about the (daily) influence of the Gods on their lives. I know that's what I mean, anyway. And for me, it's enough.

• Tuesday, August 14, 2012
  faith Paganism

The webs we weave

I am not a Pagan community blogger, although I attempt to do so, on occassion. I tend to collect a few of the issues and then comment on them in one post. I did for the veiling, body-fat and Jesus debacles as well as for the 'competence vs. sincerity issue'.

The trouble is; that community is not my community. Yes, it's Pagan, it's on-line so I can reach it, but it's also (mostly) American. I am not American; I'm a no-nonsence Dutchy. In general, we are very down to earth. We're hard workers. We keep things inside. We don't hang our dirty laundry out on display. We persevere through the hardship and complain only about the weather. We don't get riled up easily and when we do, it's frowned upon.

I don't like giving my opinion. I'm very Dutch in that regard. I'm much better at providing information. I collect information like the stickers, the rusty nails, the discarted paper and the Lego from my youth. I organize it, catalogue it and group it together in a post. I collect information on topics which touch my mind or heart. I suspect my blogs are not an easy read for everyone; I tend to give little introduction to my blog posts, nor do I frame them with my opinion. I don't tell you what to think about a topic. At most, and on rare occassion, I will tell you what I think about a topic. I leave judgement to the reader.

I blog like a spider; I weave webs. I'm not sure PaganSquare readers will see the web as I don't post all blog posts on PaganSquare, but in general most of my blog posts reach back to the post of the previous day, or the day before that, in some way. There are exceptions, of course. These are glitches in the web; a day when I ran out of time or where my thoughts didn't come together as I expected them to because I was too tired to be collected, to overthink. Like this post. I read back these posts later and I hang my head in resignation. Published is published. I don't edit anything besides spelling errors after publishing.

I am always amazed to discover which posts are read, commented on and appreciated most. Of course, I'm biased, but in general, the topics I am or was proud of most, garner the least interest in readers. Perhaps because they are too Hellenic, perhaps because the topic is only of interest to me. I try to predict how well a post will do after I publish it and I'm almost always wrong. You'd say I would have learned to adapt my expectations but us Dutch folk are also very, very stubborn.

I started blogging because all the changes in my (religious) life were making me feel like my head explode. I'm amazed I am still writing, not just once a week or once a month like I figured I would end up doing but every single day. Every single day, I boot up my laptop or mobile phone and I write about a topic that is stuck in my mind. And this from the woman who has never been able to keep a journal.

People often tell me I reveal a lot about myself in my posts. Some people tell me I reveal too much. I share my pain, my fear, my practice and my joy with anyone who is open to reading it. I can't write any other way. I live the way I write; overemotional but without judgement. I hold very little back. If I do, it's because there is another person involved or because the experience was to intense to put into words. I am an open book. I'm Dutch; I embellish nothing. I hold you capable enough to realize that what I write is my truth and trust you enough to be vulnerable through it. I think I neglected to tell my readers this, so I am telling you now. Perhaps this will help you see the web and understand that every post has been introduced after all; by all the posts that went before it.

Another thing you must understand about me, is that I am a very positive person. I write everything I write with the best of intentions. I don't do snark. I question, I get angry, I get frustrated but very, very rarely with a person. I understand they are speaking and living their truth, like I speak and live mine. I can get emotionally invested in a topic but I will never pass judgement on the person telling it. Please, read my posts with this in mind and forgive that they aren't sensational. I'm a boring person at heart and love to be so.

I started blogging because trying to sort everything in my head proved to be impossible. I kept writing because of you. So, this is a post to say thank you. Thank you for reading, for proving me wrong, for keeping me on my toes and for trying to walk my web with me, no matter how difficult I make it to do so. Thank you for being gentile with me. Thank you for not judging. Thank you for offering your perspective on a subject and trusting me with your stories. They mean the world to me.

Thank you for helping me weave my web.

• Monday, August 13, 2012
  blogging this is not a real post

Be grateful (Ευγνωμων γινου)

What are you grateful for?

I'm grateful for a lot of things, but I also forget a lot of things I should be grateful for. I'm grateful for my health, my mental health, my youth, my strong opinions, my girlfriend, my home, my financial security besides being jobless at the moment but I'm also grateful for living in a country where I have the right to speak my mind, where being a woman is not a major hurdle in life, where being gay is not a major hurdle in life. I'm grateful for never going hungry, never forcibly going without sleep, for having clean drinking water, for the ability to take a vacation, for all the people I call friends, for the Gods who influence my life. I am grateful for religion and good movies. I'm grateful for my ability to sing and write. I'm grateful for enough things to fill a couple of pages, so I'll stop here.

Being grateful should be an active practice, not a passive one. I can be grateful to my girlfriend all I want, but if I don't tell her and show her how grateful I am of our relationship, she'll eventually leave me. If I don;'t reciprocate all she puts into our relationship, she will stop putting energy into our relationship and it will end.

This is exactly what will happen with my relationship to the Gods. If I don't acknowledge what They do for me, if I don't offer to them in return, if I don't perform the rituals, They will leave me be.

I think this is the main focus of this Delphic Maxim and it's a very, very important lesson.

• Sunday, August 12, 2012
  ancient Hellenic culture Star Foster's Delphic Maxims

Mix-tape to Hermes

Today, I'm posting a mix-tape for Hermes. This idea is not mine; it's a combination of a wonderful idea by Sannion and Hellenion's monthly libation schedule. Hellenion is a Hellenic organization from America and I've been using their wonderful calender and the great store of information they have gathered to start my own practice. Every month, Hellenion members pour a libation to a different Hellenic God or Goddess. This month, it's Hermes' turn. To make the day more special, I have created a mix-tape of songs which either describe or would speak to Hermes.

Hermes has so many aspects to His worship. He started out as a fertility God but soon transformed into an inventor, a thief, a joker, a messenger, an athlete, a trader and a protector of travelers and gamblers. Fitting all that into five songs is just about impossible so I took only a few of his epithets into account for his mix-tape.

Owl City - To The Sky

This is the Hermes I relate to most. In my Olympus Tarot, Hermes is the Chariot and the image used for that relates so beautifully to this song, I had to include it. It's the freedom of flight, the joy of amoral life, the blessings of youth. 

Blonde Redhead - Messenger

First off; here are the lyrics; the song is pretty incomprehensible. Hermes is a messenger of the Gods as well as, on occasion, of mortals. He also helps souls cross to the Underworld. More about that below. Hermes is also a lover; loving, lusting after and sleeping with his fair share of women, nymphs and Goddesses. I often envisioning him heading towards or from dalliance with one of his many lovers.

As a messenger you must be known / With messages you must return / To be seen by demanding hands / And touches of jealous men / Invisible and forgivable / To all their secret adds

How can I keep anything to myself / Behind those clouds / I'm almost home

ACDC - Highway To Hell

This one might be a bit lame and disrespecful but really, envision Hermes in these lyrics and I need not say more, do I? Yet, I will, because Hermes' role as a psychopomp is not know to many Pagans. In his epithet of Hermes Psykhopompos, Hermes guides the souls of the deceased to the Underworld, and as such, Hermes is one of the very few Deities who can enter and leave Hades at will. Messages to and from the Underworld are therefor a very important part of Hermes' messenger duty.

The Opposites - Slapeloze Nachten

This is a Dutch song, sorry about that, but the song isn't difficult. It's about the singer who can't fall asleep as he's thinking too much about the next day. Hermes, as a messenger, is also the bringer of dreams which were created by Zeus. He's therefor also associated with sleep. With Hermes involved, the singer of The Opposites won't be awake much longer.

Dar Williams - You Will Ride With Me Tonight

I adore Dar Williams. I used one of her songs for Athena's mix-tape as well. This song is from her newest album; In the Time of Gods and was written especially with Hermes in mind. Listen to it and then listen to it three more times. Let the spirit of Hermes flow through you. I will be eternally grateful to Dar for this entire album.

• Saturday, August 11, 2012
  Hermes mix-tape series videos

PBP: Protogenoi (Πρωτογενοι)

The Protogenoi (Πρωτογενοι) are the First Born Deities of the Hellenic Kosmos. They are the building blocks of the universe, primordial Deities. I have written before about Them, in a post about genealogy of the Gods.

The Protogenoi we know of are: Aether (Αἰθήρ, 'Light'), Ananke (Ἀνάγκη, 'Fate' or 'Compulsion'), Khronos (Χρόνος, 'Time'), Erebos (Ἔρεβος, 'Darkness'), Eros (Ἔρως, 'Desire' or 'Love'), Gaea (Γαῖα, 'Earth'), Hemera (Ἡμέρα, 'Day'), Hydros (Ὑδρος, 'Primordial Waters'), Khaos (χάος, 'Chaos' or 'Air'), Nêsoi (Νησοι, 'Islands'), Nyx (Νύξ, 'Night'), Ôkeanos (Ωκεανος, 'Water'), Ourea (Oὔρεα, 'Mountains'), Phanes (Φάνης 'Procreation'), Pontos (Πόντος, 'Sea'), Phusis (φύσις, 'Nature'), Tartaros (Τάρταρος), Thalassa (Θάλασσα, 'Sea'), Thesis (Θεσις, 'Creation'), Uranos (Οὐρανός, 'Sky').

As might have become apparently from the, previously mentioned, earlier published post; any mythology from this era is incredibly mucky. There are a few sources we can track the beginning of the universe to; because that is where the Protogenoi were born in--or from; the beginning of the universe. They are the embodiments of the aspects of life They are named after. Zeus may be Lord of the Sky, but the sky itself is a primordial Deity, distant from humanity but ever-present.

Hesiod, in his 'Theogony', writes:

"Verily at the first Chaos came to be, but next wide-bosomed Earth, the ever-sure foundations of all the deathless ones who hold the peaks of snowy Olympus, and dim Tartarus in the depth of the wide-pathed Earth, and Eros, fairest among the deathless gods, who unnerves the limbs and overcomes the mind and wise counsels of all gods and all men within them. From Chaos came forth Erebus and black Night; but of Night were born Aether and Day, whom she conceived and bare from union in love with Erebus. And Earth first bare starry Heaven, equal to herself, to cover her on every side, and to be an ever-sure abiding-place for the blessed gods. And she brought forth long Hills, graceful haunts of the goddess-Nymphs who dwell amongst the glens of the hills. She bare also the fruitless deep with his raging swell, Pontus, without sweet union of love."

And then there is another version out there, articulated best by playwright Aristophanes in 'The Birds':

"At the start, there was Chaos, and Night, and pitch-black Erebus, and spacious Tartarus. There was no earth, no heaven, no atmosphere. Then in the wide womb of Erebus, that boundless space, black-winged Night, first creature born, made pregnant by the wind, once laid an egg. 

It hatched, when seasons came around, and out of it sprang Love—the source of all desire, on his back the glitter of his golden wings, just like the swirling whirlwind. In broad Tartarus, Love had sex with murky Chaos. From them our race was born—our first glimpse of the light.

         Before that there was no immortal race at all, not before Love mixed all things up. But once they’d bred and blended in with one another, Heaven was born, Ocean and Earth—and all that clan of deathless Gods."

Within Hellenismos, the Protogenoi are not often mentioned or worshipped. Eros and Gaea may receive honorable mention on occasion but the Olympians have much more sway. The Protogenoi are specialists, beings of one base component of life. They hold sway over these and, when roused, They wield terrible power, without regard of those who are in the way, be they Gods, Demi-Gods or mortals. The Olympians are (besides Hermes) moral Deities; They wield Their power thoughtfully. The Protogenoi are too ancient, too huge, to hold back Their power and take into account our little race of mortals. I suspect that therefor the Protogenoi are appeased more often than worshipped, if thought of at all in a ritual setting. 

I'm fascinated with the Protogenoi. If I ever founded (or revived? Were there cults for the Protogenoi?) a Mystery Cult, it would be for the Protogenoi. I won't do this without considerable research, however, and on most days I doubt I would have the courage to do so anyway.

The true nature of the Protogenoi is shrouded by time. Much of their mysteries were lost. Yet, they, too, are part of the Hellenic pantheon. They, too, hold sway over the universe. Deities like this should not be forgotten, and they should most certainly never be ignored.

• Friday, August 10, 2012
  genealogy Hesiod Mythology 101 Pagan Blog Project Protogenoi Theogony

When is Recon, Recon?

Yesterday, I wrote about my experiences at Pagan festivals and I got a lot of thoughtful and understanding replies on it, both on Facebook and PaganSquare as well as in real life. It got me thinking about my Recon Tradition and how Recon I can make it. This was also inspired by a comment by Rebecca Buchanan on another post of mine at PaganSquare whose thoughtful reply made me scratch at an itch I have been refusing to scratch for a while now.

Hellenismos is a Recon Tradition; it's founded upon religious practice, as practiced by the ancient Hellens in a culture where this religious practice blended in effortlessly. Myself, I'm not Greek. I don't live in Greece. I'm a lesbian woman living in a culture which is incredibly far removed from that of ancient Hellas. I also practice alone and I have to substitute a lot of practices and sacrifices with something socially acceptable.

I'm going to say something now that I do not take lightly but I do stand behind. If practiced correctly and without prolonged suffering for the animal, I am in favor of animal sacrifice in religious worship. In all honesty, I think it's a beautiful practice. I would not relish the kill at all, and I think that if I ever had to do it, I would really, really struggle with it. But I would do it, out of respect for the Gods and because it was part of the practice of the ancient Hellens.

For those of you who say that even the Hellens turned away from animal sacrifice; they did, but only in the end. Animal sacrifice was practiced for centuries. Most of the festivals have a sacrificial component to it; anywhere from a single pig to a hundredth cows. The meat was distributed fairly within the community and the first cut went to the Gods--unless it was a holókaustos, then the whole of the animal was sacrificed. For many families, this sacrificial meat was the only meat they ate.

Can you imagine what an impact an animal sacrifice had on a family? They offered an animal they often couldn't really miss to the Gods out of piety. They took a blow to their income of money, supplies or food to honor the Gods. Often they got to keep the meat but can you imagine the depth of devotion it would take a poor family to sacrifice even a single animal in a holókaustos? With our supermarket society, that sort of sacrifice is absolutely unknown to us.

This is just one example of why I think it's almost impossible to practice Hellenismos as a Recon Tradition within our society. I can give you at least two dozen more. How about xenia; offering anyone access to your home, washing their hands, drawing them a bath and giving them food without asking what they came to do. Then, when they get ready to leave, you offer them some of the most precious things you own. I'm pretty sure my IKEA delivery guy would think I'm absolutely nuts. Or what about pledging an offering of wine on the ground before every meal to the Daímōns of the home? I'm pretty sure my girlfriend--or the floor--wouldn't appreciate that very much.

So we perform an incredible feat of mental athleticism; we say that Hellenismos is a modern Reconstruction Tradition and we take out everything that's inconvenient under the guise of 'modern practice'. I have a problem with that. Not a problem I can fix, but a problem none the less.

Of course xenia is still practiced if I only invite people inside my home whom I trust and who want to come in. I can offer them a drink and snacks, everyone can stay for dinner at my house and if they want to, I will make them a bed and invite them for breakfast. I can entertain my guests with good conversation and a movie. Xenia will be practiced... but it's not xenia as practiced by the ancient Hellens.

In my reply to Rebecca, I said the following:

"I would love to move to Greece, form a new Hellenic community somewhere near the coast and practice Hellenismos as it's supposed to be practiced. But I can't, so I adapt. And it kind of sucks."

And I mean it. Both the moving as well as the sucking, I mean it both. I try to adapt my practice the best I can; focussing on household worship more than the festivals. I find a personal connections to the Gods which I can share with my non-religious girlfriend who tries to accommodate a religious household as much as she can manage. I practice xenia in a modern setting. I integrate ethics, study and piety in my daily life and try to live a religious life by integrating and involving the Gods into everything I do. In the mean time I look for ways to practice a more Recon form of Hellenic Recon; a Tradition that I truly love.

A large part of Hellenic Reconstruction is practicing with other people, so if anyone knows Hellenics in the Netherlands, do a Hellenic a favor and nudge them my way, alright? Perhaps together, we can kick Hellenismos up a notch.

• Thursday, August 9, 2012
  Agathós Daímōn Hellenic Reconstruction Hellenismos 101 sacrifice

The catch 22 of Pagan festivals

It's the festival season and I just spent the weekend at Castlefest. Castlefest is not, exactly, a Pagan festival but it was--and probably still is, although they're fading to the background--the festival Pagans flocked to. There is a Pagan corner of the festival terrain, a wicker burning of which the Pagan gang is in charge and many Pagan supplies can be bought there. Incense, clothing, tools, you name it. Even statues of some Pagan Gods. It sounds like Pagan heaven and in a way it is. Yet, I don't feel at home there.

I wrote yesterday that the biggest difference between me and any other Pagan there, seems to be in our views about Deity and how to approach Them. As I said then, any Recon tradition forces you to actually believe in the Gods, not as just handy tools to get your own needs fulfilled. Cara Schulz, in the very post I went off on before, but explained why later, recognizes that very problem:

"I live in a catch-22. I love going to Pagan festivals and gatherings as I love the people there and greatly enjoy the general vibe. I highly recommend them and I have a great time when ever I attend a community event or Pagan festival or Con. Yet when I attend these types of gatherings, that is when I feel the least like part of the Pagan community. I attend the workshops, the rituals, and listen to the conversations and I have almost nothing in common with any of it. I can’t relate. Casting a circle has as much in common with my religion as walking the Stations of the Cross. We have no common connection. The lovely maiden Hekate I worship that grants our family prosperity little resembles the Crone Hekate that many neo-Pagans work with for magic. The very things that should draw me closer to the Pagan community are the very things that tell me I may not belong."

Schulz describes exactly my thoughts on the situation. Walking around a Pagan festival makes me realize how much I have removed myself from the Pagan banner. This change happened long before my actual progression into Hellenismos. It happened when I couldn't get through a ritual without shutting down my mind about the Christian elements, it happened when I tried to strike up meaningful communication with Pagans about their practice and found no link at all, it happened when I felt myself getting annoyed at the casual 'use' of the Gods so prevalent in some Witchcraft Traditions.

Lauren DeVoe, fellow PaganSquare blogger, coincidentally picked a related topic to blog about today. In her post 'Approaching Deity', she talks about the vows we make to Deity and the ease with which some break those vows when they no longer fit comfortably in the (religious) life they had envisioned for themselves. When things get dark and scary and demanding--a clear sign you may have gotten in over your head--it's easy to try and get out. But you can't. Because these are Gods and Goddesses and although you might not have actually believed They existed, They have taken an interest in your life, just like you asked for.

In my life, I have only broken a single vow to a Goddess; I parted ways with blessed Brighid. It took me a year to do so and I cried, felt guilty, and would only accept this break to be happening when Brighid herself gave me some very clear signs. I was released, in love, at a point in my life where we both realized we could not be there for each other anymore. And it hurt. It hurt more than almost anything else has in my life. I can still feel that hollow space where Brighid's presence used to be, but it still feels right to have done what I did and, at the risk of hubris, I feel Brighid still mothers over me from afar.

Sometimes, the general response I feel from the Pagan community when I express my devotion to Deity, is a raised eyebrow and the feeling I'm taking this whole 'deity thing' too seriously. It's exactly that feeling that intensifies when I go to a Pagan festival; I feel like an outsider because I can't relate to the worldview and view on Deity. I don't care about meditations to 'discover the Goddess in you' or a workshop spell pouches making. They are wonderful for a good few other Pagan Traditions and I like watching people enjoy themselves with these activities. Watching them come out of meditation invigorated and strengthened is a glorious sight to behold. But it does nothing for me. It never really has, although I tried really, really hard in the past.

I will still go to Pagan festivals, and next year, I will go to Castlefest again. I'll go for the atmosphere and the friends who I can hang with there. But I won't hunt the shops in the hopes of finding anything Hellenic, I won't hang around the Pagan part of the festival in the hopes of finding anything to relate to. I'll listen to the music I never listen to, I'll hunt for food I like and gawk at the outfits. I'll try not to feel alone. And I'll enjoy it, just like I did this year, when I focus on my friends and leave my Pagan soul at the entrance gates.

• Wednesday, August 8, 2012
  bloggers I admire festivals Paganism polytheism