Tomorrow is the Litha celebration and I admit to being a little nervous. It's funny because until this morning, I wasn't nervous in the slightest. I've been too busy to be nervous. Besides the day-to-day stuff, there were the festival days, university stuff and days where I simply had to sit around in my PJ's so my head wouldn't explode.
Today I bought the last of the supplies we need tomorrow and I've been reading through the ritual. I have a couple of 'features' I need to pull off with verve for it to work and I haven't had a lot of time to prepare them. Today I got to do a walkthrough in my head and while I have it set in my head now, it has also made me more nervous.
I've been wondering where the nerves come from; if I'm insecure about my ability to lead the ritual or the fact that I'll be leading it in front of at least thirty people. I think it's the latter. I've done Neo-Wiccan ritual for years, although only one for a small group. I know what I'm doing. I can invite the elements, direct the cone of power. I have a good working knowledge of the Gods and am not afraid of public speaking. I have faith. I am a priestess.
And yet, I'm also just me.
Tomorrow, I will get up early, shower, dress in my ritual wear and haul the last of the bags to the car. I'll eat a light breakfast and meditate a little to settle my head. I'll get on the road at 9 am to drop off my girlfriend, get gas, and then I'll drive the hour it takes to get to the ritual site with the radio on blast setting. My friend and High Priestess will be waiting for me, as well as two of her first degree initiates who helped us set out the ritual. We'll set up the ritual site with flowers, lights and an altar. By then, the nerves will be gone and I'll happily slip into my priestess persona.
By the time the guests arrive, I will be ready to practice ritual; something I love dearly. Until then, I'll most likely be a bit of a nervous wreck, and you know what? That's alright. We're responsible for a good time for a lot of people, a lot of them first timers. There is a spectacular chance of rain. I have to start a fire--something I'm terrible at--and all kinds of unforseen issues can come up. Being nervous means I care. Being nervous means I understand the responsibility placed on my shoulders. Being nervous means I want things to go well, for the guests, for my fellow priestesses, for myself and the Gods.
I may be nervous, but I'm also greatly looking forward to it.
Today I bought the last of the supplies we need tomorrow and I've been reading through the ritual. I have a couple of 'features' I need to pull off with verve for it to work and I haven't had a lot of time to prepare them. Today I got to do a walkthrough in my head and while I have it set in my head now, it has also made me more nervous.
I've been wondering where the nerves come from; if I'm insecure about my ability to lead the ritual or the fact that I'll be leading it in front of at least thirty people. I think it's the latter. I've done Neo-Wiccan ritual for years, although only one for a small group. I know what I'm doing. I can invite the elements, direct the cone of power. I have a good working knowledge of the Gods and am not afraid of public speaking. I have faith. I am a priestess.
And yet, I'm also just me.
Tomorrow, I will get up early, shower, dress in my ritual wear and haul the last of the bags to the car. I'll eat a light breakfast and meditate a little to settle my head. I'll get on the road at 9 am to drop off my girlfriend, get gas, and then I'll drive the hour it takes to get to the ritual site with the radio on blast setting. My friend and High Priestess will be waiting for me, as well as two of her first degree initiates who helped us set out the ritual. We'll set up the ritual site with flowers, lights and an altar. By then, the nerves will be gone and I'll happily slip into my priestess persona.
By the time the guests arrive, I will be ready to practice ritual; something I love dearly. Until then, I'll most likely be a bit of a nervous wreck, and you know what? That's alright. We're responsible for a good time for a lot of people, a lot of them first timers. There is a spectacular chance of rain. I have to start a fire--something I'm terrible at--and all kinds of unforseen issues can come up. Being nervous means I care. Being nervous means I understand the responsibility placed on my shoulders. Being nervous means I want things to go well, for the guests, for my fellow priestesses, for myself and the Gods.
I may be nervous, but I'm also greatly looking forward to it.
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