You know, sometimes I miss Witchcraft. Not so much the actual practice of it but the emotion of it. Let me be very clear in saying that Hellenismos is where I belong and it's not even a contest if I will remain in it. It's a religion in which I can put plenty of emotion, even in its repetitiveness. To follow the same cycle every day and every year brings with it a stability, a depth of understanding and a connectiveness I have never experienced in Witchcraft. But it's not 'sexy'; it's not exciting. It's not full of midnight rites with too many candles and too much incense and that one smoke detector you forgot to turn off. It's not putting together rituals that are full of flair and creating circles that you just have to take a picture of and show all your witch friends because it was just so darn pretty.

Every now and again, I really, really miss Witchcraft. It usually happens when I am thinking of stories (I write, trying to become a writer at least part-time if not full time). A lot of them have supernatural elements in them and they rely heavily on my knowledge of ancient mythical systems and occult history. History was always my speciality--history and reasearching it. When I write is when I break out my old books on Witchcraft--the ones I kept, anyway. The ones that either inspire me (even if they are super bad and inaccurate) or the ones that are simply so good that you can find anything in them you need (written by the Parker's of Witchcraft and Wicca). Reading all this faux-history, fanciful origin stories and in-depth knowledge always gives me a thrill. It did that when I was twelve years old and it still does that now I am about to turn thirty-one.

I think it, in part, has to do with how long I practiced it and when. I became a Witch in my teens, at the height of needing something to hold on to and identify with. Witchcraft was my perfect rebellion but even more so, my perfect getaway. It gave me a sense of control over my life that I had to give up once I realized you can't rule over and force the Gods. When I submitted myself to Their counsel, I gave up that power. When times get busy as they are now, and the world becomes a bit too scary a place, I long to have that sense of power back and the escape Witchcraft offered me. The safety of believing you could directly influence your fate--and I still think you can, I just choose to submit instead.

Funnily enough, I find safety in submitting, too. I control my part of my relationship with the Theoi through my practice and establishing kharis. In return, I trust Them to know what I could not possibly have known as a Witch and let Them set my course instead of forcing it. And my life has become so much better and more stable since. Even funnier: I have found I can find that same sense of escapism I found in Witchcraft in any hobby. I can go out and play Pokemon Go for an hour to forget about another bombing. I can go for a run to get out work stress. I can read the night away and feel filled with the bewonderment of the world created by another.

I was a Witch through many of my formative years and it has most certainly shaped me. It's a beautiful Tradition and one can put into and get out of it anything one might desire. It's unique in that perspective. It is completely free and completely fluid. I both loved that about it and hated it for it. It's exactly why I got out of it and it's also exactly why I still long for it sometimes. But it is a fleeting desire because this depth of religious experience I experience in Hellenismos, the purpose it gives me and the stability are far more valuable to me.

I could never live without the Theoi and honouring Them traditionally, but I gave up Witchcraft within only a few days time. This is my religious home. And when I long for Witchcraft, I read, or write a post about it like now and it'll leave my system. Because at the end of the day, I belong to the Theoi, solely. As it should be.